I can’t remember exactly what chain of events lead me to the book E-Squared by Pam Grout in my early days of self discovery. Whenever I sat down to read or write, it was a completely organic process. One word or phrase would lead me to another, and before I knew it, my Amazon Prime account was activated yet again.
I credit E-Squared with kicking off my next phase of higher education. The subtitle of E-Squared is “9 Do It Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality.” The theory is that each of us can affect an invisible energy source with our thoughts and actions. Revolutionary. At least to me.
The idea behind the book is that in conducting the nine fairly simple experiments the reader would have proof in the existence of this higher energy field and how thoughts and actions effect the results. Pam Grout calls this energy the FP or Field of Potentiality.
Experiment #2: The Volkswagen Jetta Principle: You Impact the Field and Draw from it According to Your Beliefs and Expectations, rocked my world. At the end of each experiment there is is a “lab report” where the the principle and theory are explained and the reader documents his or her approach, application and result of the theory. Each experiment has a defined time limit to produce the result. For #2, I had 48 hours.
The theory of this experiment is that you impact the field of potentiality and draw from it according to your beliefs and expectations. The question to answer is, “Do I really expect to see what I want to see?” Pam’s direction was to see an unusual color of color of cars (specifically sunset beige) and butterflies. I read through the experiment and documented the time: 12:19 am.
I made notes in the lab report and affirmed that I would see butterflies and sunset beige cars in the next 48 hours. I went to sleep repeating these thoughts in my mind. Not, “I HOPE I will see…” but “I WILL see…” apparently there is a very different energy to those two statements. HOPE insinuates lack or scarcity, while WILL is an affirmation of what already is. In order to draw towards you what you want, it was important to be operating only in this positive space, or vibration.
I fell asleep late and was awoken the next morning by my youngest daughter. She jumped on my bed and laid right on top of me. “Wake up, Mommy! Wake up! I’m going to give you BUTTERFLY KISSES to wake you up!” Butterfly. Kisses. She said it over and over as her soft eyelashes brushed against my eyes.
I was so blown away by this example of the FP that I actually wrote and shared it with Pam Grout. I was also shocked when she wrote me back and asked if she could share the story in one of her next books.
E-Squared introduced me to a new realm I had been completely unfamiliar with until then. The more experiments I performed, the more the results solidified my belief in this universal energy. Pam’s book lead me to study more about the Law of Attraction and the work of Abraham-Hicks, among others.
As exciting and profound as this new-to-me energy source was, I get a pang of discomfort when I read through my notebooks at the time. After a couple months of writing, I can see a sense of frustration setting in. A sense of “I’m not happy enough, vibrating highly enough, just not good enough” to draw to me those things that I thought I wanted. The initial excitement of the experiments had worn off and old anxieties started creeping back into my life.
I didn’t know then what I know now: I needed a softer side of manifesting. I really didn’t want things. I wanted deep healing of the hollow in my heart. Finding 3 dimes on my walk through the neighborhood wasn’t quite going to fulfill that longing. Universal energy, I learned, was an essential piece of the puzzle towards healing, but not the whole enchilada.